////Jumbled Up In Letters

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"All men have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them go on. It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out.

- Albert Camus

Profile

the name's wilfred.
wilfred avelino j manalili,
but willy's fine enough.
october 12, ever since '94.
the youngest of 3.
you could say i'm one of those random people in the room to fill up the space. but, i don't exactly take that much, haha. im short, but i'm growing! i'm a growing child. and really, you should notice me. you'd get quite amazed, how different i've become over the years. for the better, for the better. anyways, i'm asian. and have great white/yellow/nude skin. and it never obeys me when i try to tan. i'm a dork, i'm peppy, i'm engh. yet, i'm there. and i try to understand. i like gummies, and ice cream, and funnel cake. i like to stay home for my fam, for loafting, for anything. i write, and i draw, and i notice. i tend to get phased out/bored? but hey, i can still party it up. do not underestimate. in education, i'm up there. haha, but not literally. OLMC's treating me good enough. sophomore year, what? i'm so not ready for it. lately, i've been into traveling and going away. experiencing* i'm really trying to boost my shyness up. 'cause, yes, i am originally shy to be around. but, its getting better. i think.

music, computer, food (but no gain), growing up, the "usual"/"yuje".
cannot forget a.t♥ she gets me.

!♥:)

October 28, 2009

happy birthday, babe!

thank you so much for showing me yourself this past year, and growing up so much with me, i enjoyed every step of it. i hope you have a marvelous day, and notice the happy world and the things that make it worth while.

have a swell 15, ashlee,
i love youuuuuu♥
so much :')

feeling sick?

October 26, 2009

kind of :\

got a lot of symptoms. a lot of reasons why.
a lot of 'why now?'s too

why now? why now. why now! why noooow! why now..

my boo

October 25, 2009

happy 4 months, love.
I know this is a day after, but the day was so busy that i couldn't even post before 12! haha, it's one o'clock, and still i'm busy. i feel that, these days, we're getting so used to this 'busy' thing. and even though, we haven't been together always, i think we have. just the thought of going through so much things, and looking forward to you, is enough. being with you is enough.

i love you♥,
thank you for being with me.
and believing in me.

/go loaft/get busy////

October 22, 2009

it's been dayz since i've actually posted. i go to my blog, practically everyday, but usually for the music. and the recap. but i haven't found the time to really post something. the things i have to talk about are so obvious. and yet, i always blog them. guess these few weeks have just been focused, then drowsy.

solike:

- i've had multiple tests these days. another one on friday :'(
- bunches of civvies days, true!
- doing my essay for Romeo and Juliet, oh meng! is it time-wasting.
- i stall from doing it at home because i keep hanging out with my boys + other frands + g :')
- not really feeling the new piece for music. yikes, i'm lost with 6/8 time :\ ghey!
- the math is killing me softly.
- i'm so busy cramming and stalling during the day, that i keep sleeping at like 2.
by sleeping at 2, i wake up early at 7 and die first period, and my energy is fully buzzed by the end of the day (don't know how i manage after school)
- the busyness makes me not blog, or get into topics D:
- i haven't even finished the perfect blend's layout yet! that's berry bhed!
- i haven't even finished the post of my thanksgiving weekend yet! man, seuw bhed!
- the busyness has stalled my precious farmville antics. or what dylan silva says, a 'hiatus', ktrue.
- my weekends, where i'm supposed to chill and have, are filled with more busyness and lack of routine + messed sleeping patterns. terrible.
- i haven't been able to focus on my dear ashlee :'( + still overjoyed from that present of yours
- eating an icebreaker at this moment (one of the things she gave me for my present :'D + i do NOT have bad breatheLOL! :\)
- SOOO anxious about my application to superstore. pleasepleasepleaseeeee make it.
- i've only been able to update my song playlists. drake and shit, ye!
- i have to end this post now because i have to sleep D:

erks, i'm dying of insanity. someone direct me to something better, because i think i'm doing things rightLOL. i wish tylenol makes you smarter in logic :\

PS: .. not enough time to find a spunky picture *sighD:*
PPS: CANNOT FORGET: happy birthday ryan de guzman♥

you, my friend, are great :')

the post family :')

October 18, 2009

kaitlin wilfred ashlee richard ryan rubyjunior,
justin vincent jerick

if this could be an actual group picture, for my pleasure, i would be so happy. my best buds + lovers + friends (which are best buddies that i love, so technically it's the same thingLOL) that i've been with for the past times. oh meng, thank you.

that is all :')

"to eventually overwhelm"

October 13, 2009

i brought that up again, because it wasn't supposed to be put aside. i keep it in my mind, to make sure what i believe in works.

lately, i've been looking at the both of us. not comparing, but trying to figure things out. because i am so eager to say that we are so similar, even though we are so .. not. i am NOT you. i wish i was.

lately, with all those events and things that i've had in my mind, i've also seen it as a time that you can celebrate with me. i pictured you telling me and showing me all these things. so many forms of the love you have inside. and it came true. the things you have done, have, all together, made something so special. now, am i supposed to respond back just as amazing? probably, yeah. you would expect it from me. but. i just can't. and it gets to me, inside.

with all that's happened, you're always by my side in the end. but better than before. you show me, and prove to me, and grow, towards me, so much, that i don't know what to do!

i, forget what to say to you. the little things that fill up the cracks of a story. the only 'defence' to what you provide for me. my speech is what gets me to you; what helps show how YOU mean to ME. and really, i only tell you long stories or give you itty bitty comments about my days, because it's all i can say back. i don't have anything else. so, if i forget, blank out, chicken out, on what to say to you, what else do i have? what can i back myself up with? so much has been thrown towards me. i- i wouldn't handle it.

it only goes to show, that when you help somebody, you get it back. what happens after that, though? i'm so afraid to say 'i love you' because i don't know what you would do to me. when a person confuses me, or overwhelms me, is when i'm vulnerable.

i get so dis-functional. things go hay-wire, when you are so good to me. i'm blurting things out at random times(^)and trying to understand why.

there's nobody that's been able to move me, without moving. nobody that could make me feel on top of the world, yet feel so wrong or cautious, at the same time. nobody's ever done that like you. everything goes crazy when you say things to me.

i wish i was you!

thanksgiving weekend

October 12, 2009

i've planned and looked forward to so much events happening. and well, most of them were at this weekend. booooo-oy, were they full. so full, that it was hard noticing what really happened. luckily, my friends, and, very special, girlfriend are here to help simmer things down to understand. four days could never be so long.

friday my house only pleads company.
after the hustle and bustle in school, busy and social and what not, my head was actually looking forward to after the weekend. i dont know why, but i was thinking on what would happen, in four days, that would change me. focusing back in, friday was only to be prep. get my stuff, eat, computer, and yeah. the 'yuge'. but i had to record with vincent. which, actually, wasn't boring. not like it was the other times we 'recorded' but doing it was funny. after vincent leaving, jerick came. sweet! my home just became wholesome. when halo was over, when i owned that BK but lost one time because he got lucky and because i don't have my glasses so i'm blind, gossip girls all the way! but not the show. we talk, as usual. the 'yuge'. for about, 2 and a half hours? i think? not trying to expose this kinda stuff, so it was just intense. i was feeling happy when people were gone and it was just me on the computer. i've started this weekend with my buddies.

saturday the management, and the reverie.
i do not want to go into detail about saturday. butwell, a lot happened, so i kinda willLOL:). soliekkeeeee, i wake up at 10. really drowsy. and my mom says that i should i get my glasses today. yippee! i can really pwn jerick in halo! oh, and seeing again is good too .. LOL. i chose a pair, d&G i think, but they said it'll be all ready on thursday. goodstuff. before we go home, my mom decides to go to wendys and HEY, it's nayana. swell! hahaha, after seeing her, and savouring my deluctant honey bbq boneless wings♥, we go home and get my stuffs. pick up richie rich, and get dropped off at kristy's house (meeting ryan there too :')) stop by timmies for ice caps, and hey, add some quality chats in the van. talking to fiesta people was something that i kinda missed. with the updating, tips, and long naps to richmond hill, richmond hill. swell too! my drowsy self was so excited to meet the markham performers again..sorta. they're a great batch: teenage and trendy. but one person really sticks out in the crowd of alright guys and girls: kelly. kelly. kelly mhm!how i loathed the moment she broke the stranger-but-we'll-get-to-know-eachother wall and pounced in molester. she was a niner! and kept touching me! a random girl. who was infatuated by the way i dance, or the way i look, or, something, idk. just, it was a relief that richard and ryan were there for support in the MALE dressing room. but much thanks to jenina and cassie and the others too for helping me get away from kelly's 'flirting'. good gosh, praise my mother as well, for witnessing one of kelly's molesting pierces to my chest. i really did want to slap her in the face, but i'm too good for that hao! LOL, moving on from trash! gosh, she was on my nervies that entire performance. haha, anyways, to the place. it was great! really. and they said that the stage was really big, but it was almost a third of the living arts one. talk about over exaggerating.

long story short before the show, it was exciting, loathing, enjoyable, yet agonizingLOL. for the show itself, it was great too! and for our 3 second debut? precious!LOL OU! there was this one time, when we were standing still, the lights dimmed to red and all soothing, and i thought cassie was ashlee for a sec. haha! it was sweet, but then i pictured it being kelly, and then i knocked my senses back. BLECK!LOL. in the end of it all, the markham-ers, i met a bunch of nice people, represented FFDT to them, had a blast with my frands!, met someone that will never BE my friend!, and wished my girlfriend would've been there to see it all. i longed for someone i care for.

sunday celebrations with sleepovers and self-credit.
let's skim straight to the celebrating. well, idk, then. church is celebrating too. so, haha, straight to my cousin's house then. uhm, i was sleeping over there for the night and it was a great decision! i could tell my cousins and grandparents missed me a bunch, considering them asking me all these questions. they say i'm thinking much more: growing. who missed me the most though, was seven-year-old kaitlin. oh meng! she's quite fun to be around. honestly, it wouldn't be as jokes of a sleepover if kaitlin wasn't the cherry on top. remembering the video games i like, innocent jokes, connecting, and having a natural blast. that hyper girl really does know how to make me laugh. OH, and if you're bored, or wanna play the sickest game evrrrrr!, go to www.moshimonsters.com ;) MHM, kaitlin was very into that game with her 'lala' person/cat/thing. its like neopets but weirder..haha. anyhways, kaitlin's great.

but the main purpose of me going there was because we were gonna celebrate my birthday there! awhhh ye. my family thinks i'm pathetic, but hey they love meh. skip through the life and times of kaitlin for a bit, and we get to me partying with kuya angelooooo! + his buds, whom i also know. but instead of only halo and talking. mix that with drinking. A LOT. well, more than i would normally. (i'm not an alcho though!) it was just for my birthday, so i acted retarded. i had a fun time. LOL, picture me tipsy and wobbling around. and falling:\ LOL. get @ me! hahahahahahahaah. his guests leave, and i throw my alcho breathe and messed up self to kaitlin's room and i just crash there. but, while i grabbed her silky blankets and took a look at the window blinds, i felt as if i gained something in my partying. i have joy inside myself.

monday happy birthday, wilfred.
the partying and drinking and noticing was after 12, but let's consider monday after i wake up in a few hours. to kaitlin staring beside meLOL. she's funny. watching handy manny + franny's feet, and doing early morning aerobics surely kicks a hangover out, eh? ERKS!LOL. she taught me how to the splits, kay. that's proLOL! she is so fun to be around, but after i left there with mark (forgot to say he slept over too. thought i was messed up when i was drunkLOL) it got even more fun.

(continuing, don't worry! ..)

leaving should not be permanent

October 7, 2009

this is the third day that you're gone, and i don't think i would enjoy counting until you come back home, but the house is way quieter now. It was still quiet when you were here, but there was mass. i knew that you were home, and i would always see you. now, it's silent all the time. when i should hear you slickly move around the floorboards. i should see you when i get back from school, except for realizing a part of my family is gone. and, come to think of it, chia, mark and me haven't exactly provided you as much company.. as you deserved.

i miss you, please know that i do. i know you won't be here on my birthday, you won't be here for a month. find yourself, while you're out there, though, alright? i can't manage people 'leaving', dad.

reunition

October 4, 2009

/twinsy/abortionist/hyperactive-ist/jokester/buddy///

well, i know for a fact, that we haven't been far apart. we don't have classes together at school, yet we're there for eachother, and i can always count on seeing you.
it was great having fun with you at your house again. we haven't exactly 'chilled' together, but it didn't seem like that because we just naturally do. and yeah, being with you has been once in a while, but that's only because of what's happening to us. and what's happening. i'm sure things aren't always busy. and well, it's cool how you like me around. when i can talk, and know that someone wants to hear me. i assure you, the 'one-on-one' thing won't always be 'occasional'. i get so much joy out of it to make it like that.

+ my haircut makes me look younger. but it was you: the highlight of my day.

and everyday, as you come around.

~~jellicle cats~~

October 1, 2009

sigh/sob/:'{

just wait until november, where we don't get opted out because of a troupe's miscommunication and lack of generosity and sense of shining.

where we, ourselves, can shine. without selfish cats, and with those who admire the hard work we do :>

ahh, if only we could've done it! or, if west side story was longer than some shimmys and snaps. hmm, at least they, the markham group, noticed us! and one of the members noticed me a bit too much (yikes!). was i that nice looking :$ (boostLOL)

+ another practice with them on sunday 7-9, we'll see how this turns out.